It's O.K. To Be Shy

With two extroverted children living in our house I secretly hoped my last child would be a quiet child. I got what I wanted -- Drew is a shy, quiet child particularly in unknown situations, but now there are times when I force him to be an extrovert. Today was a prime example.

I enrolled Drew in a gymnastics class at the YMCA and he's been telling me he didn't want to go unless I was in the class with him. I explained I would be watching him and would not leave the room, but he was still apprehensive. When we arrived at the class he asked where I was going to be. "Upstairs in the viewing area," I said. Then he started crying and said he wanted to go home. I told him I would stay downstairs and watch but he still wanted to go home. The class started, he did NOT want to go and started clinging to me. I felt bad about forcing him to go in, but I knew he would love the class. The teacher took his hand and off he went and the crying stopped immediately.

He appeared to be having fun the entire class -- using the balance beams, spring boards, parallel bars, etc., but after class he told me he didn't like it. I think he is just being stubborn because when Evan came home from school, he told Evan all about the class.

Sometimes it's difficult for extroverts like me to understand introverts, but thankfully I have a husband who helps me understand the "shy" person. Ben has helped me see that just because Drew is quiet doesn't mean he's not having fun or that he's not completely happy just observing.

Drew is happy being shy but so many times in life he is expected to be an extrovert. As his mother, I am trying to teach him that being shy is O.K., but he may not be rude. i.e. When someone he does not know greets him, he must be polite and say "hello" and give answers to their questions -- like how old are you?, etc.

I have also learned that I need to prepare Drew for what to expect before going into a situation where I know the attention will be on him. For instance, at Thanksgiving we always go around the table and tell for what we are most thankful. If I didn't prepare Drew for this he would just sit silently, but with preparation (and sometimes rehearsal) he does fine.

I am already concerned about him starting preschool next year. Before preschool starts the teachers always ask if there is anything they need to know about each child. I am all ready for my answer to this question: "Drew is shy and that's O.K. Please allow him to be that way."

Now, I don't want a child who is not listening or not participating in group activities, but I also don't want him forced to "perform on command." He will not be the kid jumping up and down and doing motions to "bumpin' up and down in my little red wagon." Do I expect him to be obedient? Yes. Do I expect Drew to come running when the teacher announces auditions for the class play? No. :-)

Joel and Evan couldn't wait for preschool and loved every minute of it. Drew? Well, I don't know how the first few days of preschool will go, but I'm sure there will be a few tears shed (from Drew and ME!).